7th Dec 2019 Mens 2nd v Sheffield Hallam�4(Home) 3 - 1 win
In the run-up to this grudge match with the only team to get the better of Rhydding 2s this season, the back pages of the local papers were dominated by stories of feuds between team members on the Xmas night out. Top scorer Tommy Hagan, annoyed by discussion of rookie right-half Rob �Ron Weasley� Elsworth being the sides standout player thus far this season, began ranting aggressively about his goal tally, earning the nickname �Tommy Ten Goals�. He had to be calmed down by teammates who bought him a Panda Pop which he gleefully sipped through a straw before he had to go home for his tea. A little later in the evening, Liam �Usain Bolt� Terry, having sampled a few local ales, decided to confront team skipper Will �The Cat� Benedikz about his selection policy of starting Mark �Not a dog man, more a� Horseman over him at centre-half. Terry was outraged to hear that it was his lack of pace which meant he started on the bench and insisted he was in fact more fleet of foot than Horseman. Many bold claims were thrown around by both rival centre-halves and it was agreed that a baseline to halfway line race would be required later in the year to settle the debate once and for all.
In the lead up to this much anticipated fixture, selection was complicated by a lengthy list of absentees. To make matters worse, defensive stalwart and reigning player of the season, Tom Ibison, and midfield talisman and runner up in last season�s player of the year voting, Bradders Bradley, had both been struck down by terrible illnesses during the week. This news, as well as niggling injuries being carried by Matt �Jenny� Powell, Lee Ryan (not that one) and the aforementioned Elsworth, made for a rather lethargic and inexperienced line-up for the game. However, at least these players turned up and didn�t cry off with such ludicrous excuses as �painting the house�, �trying to get into Uni� and, the worst of the lot, �looking after my kids�! Fortunately for Rhydding, Sheffield had an even bigger selection headache and could only field 10 players.
Controversially, captain Benedikz opted against using the same tactics as they had adopted in the reverse fixture. So, instead of gifting Hallam a 3-0 lead, Rhydding instead dominated the ball as their South Yorkshire-based opponents opted for a half-court press due to their numerical disadvantage. They frustrated the men in maroon in the opening exchanges, with the Rhydding forward line unable to provide the killer pass required to fashion regular, clear cut chances. Irked by his attacking colleagues lack of potency, centre-half Ibison saw an opportunity to venture forward with the ball. With his customary pace and accuracy, he fired the ball into the circle into the path of Jack �Mr Tickle� Sturgeon. He used his Stretch Armstrong-like arms to deflect the ball into the path of the lethal Hagan, who slotted home to give his side the lead.
With the lead, Rhydding would have expected to continue to dominate. However, a woeful press, sloppy passing and schoolboy level marking (admittedly by boys still in school) allowed Hallam back into the match. A ball played forward by Sheffield was going to be dealt with by an outrushing Benedikz until George �Where am I playing again?� Maddaford got in his way. In the confusion, the ball popped out to a Hallam forward who gladly took the early Christmas present and slotted into an unguarded net. Things could have been even worse when a similar mix up almost saw the same result. Luckily, Horseman was this time on hand to clear heroically off the line, an outstanding piece of play that garnered him Man of the Match votes.
With the scores level at half-time, Benedikz tore into his team during the interval and got the response he was looking for. Rhydding stopped panicking and started to play their game. They prodded and probed, looking for an opening. Roughly ten minutes into the half, that opening came. Some good work by Sturgeon slipped in Hagan. His initial attempt to chip the keeper failed but he kept his composure to gather the rebound, round the keeper and slam the ball into the net. With the lead restored, Rhydding kept the pressure up. Their press improved and the likes of Ryan, Hagan, �Michael� Carrick Matthews and Edward �Really? Playing 2s?� Murgatroyd began to steal the ball back high up the pitch. This pressure led to a short corner which was tattooed into the bottom corner of the net by Bradders � 3-1. It could have been more but Rhydding squandered their chances. Kit, usually a Fantastic Mr Fox-in-the-box, was unable to find the back of the net and this meant that Hallam always had a chance on the counter, especially if the umpire decided to award them dodgy short corners.
Two incidents spring to mind. The first was when a shorty was given against Powell when he was shoved in the back when trying to clear the ball off the sideline. The second was even more controversial. With the ball running harmlessly off the baseline, Ibison used his experience to allow the ball to run out of play. Incredibly, a diminutive Hallam forward snuck in under his arm and stole the ball. Hopelessly out of position, Ibison had no right to recover his error. Unbelievably, he jabbed expertly and legally at the ball and stole possession back. Shocked by the incredible accuracy of the tackle, the young Sheffield player fainted, collapsing onto the defender as he fell to the floor. Incredibly, the same umpire as before blew his whistle and awarded a short corner in an incident this reporter has been assured will feature at No.1 on the list of �Unbelievable Umpiring Bloopers� available on DVD this Christmas. Fortunately, Rhydding dealt with the threat and were able to see out the rest of the match for their ninth win of the season.
It was not a good performance, but it has been said that winning ugly when ill and injured is the sign of champions. With the Xmas break to recuperate, the Men�s 2nd team will hope to continue their quest for a second consecutive league title in 2020. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Men�s 2s. Santa, our wish list is below:
- cold and flu medicine
- bandages
- a babysitter
- a penalty flick taker
- and OUR HOME SHIRTS TO COME HOME!!!!!!!
MotM: Tommy �Twelve Goals� Hagan
DotD: You can probably guess.